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Strangers In The House: Reconnecting After Emotional Disconnection

Written by: Jonathan Zalesne The lifecycle of a relationship can see many changes, whether just a product of time, new life phases, or pivotal moments. What we often forget is that as people, we can change a little with each new event and if we are not communicating with our partner, we can get to a point where the person in our home starts to feel a little less like the person we knew and a little more like a stranger. So, what do you do when you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner? When we realize we feel emotionally disconnected, [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:12:14+00:00March 28th, 2022|Couples Counseling|
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More than Sorry: Apologizing, Asking for Forgiveness, and Repairing

Written by: Jonathan Zalesne Have you ever needed to apologize? Of course you have. None of us are perfect and we mess up all the time, especially with the people closest to us. But has anyone ever talked to you about the differences between apologizing, asking for forgiveness, and repairing a hurt? If you’re like me, these weren’t explained to me as different concepts until well into adulthood. So if you’re interested in exploring these as distinct moves towards developing lasting repair, then let’s talk about it! First let’s look at some common pitfalls with apologies and repairs, then we’ll explore [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:15:56+00:00February 3rd, 2022|Couples Counseling|
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What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Written by Jonathan Zalesne When explaining what EFT is, I usually start by explaining what EFT is not.There is a lot of great research out there about how couples who are in secure and healthy relationships behave with each other. They speak to each other without contempt. They have healthy sex lives. They turn towards each other instead of away. They manage conflict well. They create shared meaning. They trust each other and they are committed to each other.Most traditional couple therapies are behavioral in nature and strive to help couples learn skills so that they can behave in a manner consistent [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:19:59+00:00January 11th, 2022|Couples Counseling|
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A Review of Supplemental Materials for Couples in Counseling

Written by Jonathan ZalesneClients often ask me at the end of our first session, “is there anything else we can do at home to improve our relationship more quickly?” The honest answer is yes and no.There are absolutely things that couples can do at home to improve the way they treat one another and feel in the relationship, however, the work of unraveling old patterns, creating new ones, and truly healing the relationship takes time. Sometimes marriage counseling can feel like a slow process, and that is absolutely okay. When you think about how long you’ve been in your relationship for, [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:23:05+00:00January 9th, 2022|Couples Counseling|
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Relationship Resolutions based on Research

Written by Jonathan Zalesne I’m not typically the biggest fan of New Year’s Resolutions, but when they’re based on research, I can get more on board. John Gottman is the world’s leading relationship researcher. He classifies couples into two categories, relationship “masters” or relationship “disasters.” To become a relationship master this year, here are 5 resolutions to set with your partner: When your partner makes small gestures for your attention (“bids for attention”) respond with interest. For example, when your partner says “hunny, look at the deer outside the window” rather than saying “yep” without looking up from your phone, put [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:27:32+00:00January 9th, 2022|Couples Counseling|
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Would You Rather Be Right Or Kind?

Written by Jonathan ZalesneWould you rather be right or be kind?This question has been coming up in a lot of my sessions recently. I first started thinking about this concept after reading the book: When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. This book has really changed my life in that it changed how I interact with the world. It is a book that calls for more mindfulness causing you to slow down and notice your patterns rather than step into your immediate reactions.This is exactly what we seek to do in marriage/couples counseling. Rather than going into our same patterns that [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:30:13+00:00December 30th, 2021|Couples Counseling|
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So, What Are the Rules? Setting Expectations for Relationships

Written by: Jonathan ZalesneDo you ever find yourself in a relationship with someone and all the sudden you’re taken off guard by a new situation with no real sense of how to handle it or what to expect? No? Just me? Ok, well just in case anyone can relate, let’s talk about it.When I say relationships, this obviously applies to romantic relationships, but it’s also true of platonic and familial experiences. Humans are dynamic and being in close contact with others requires an amount of flexibility and understanding of yourself and the other person to navigate new territory.Setting expectations about communication, [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:32:28+00:00December 1st, 2021|Individual Therapy|
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Getting Through a Rut: When Therapy Feels Stalled

Written by: Jonathan Zalesne Whether therapy is for individuals, couples, or families, one of the first tasks is to create goals together. Goals are specific to you and what exactly you’re looking to get out of the therapy experience. And then you spend your time working towards those goals with your therapist. Maybe you even discover some other topics along the way. So, what do you do when it feels like you’ve stopped moving, but you know you’re not “done”? When you know you still have therapeutic work to do, but you find that therapy sessions are a little stale or [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:35:04+00:00September 30th, 2021|Individual Therapy|
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How Do I Forgive After An Affair?

Written by Jonathan Zalesne If you’ve ever been betrayed by your partner, you may wonder if you’ll ever be able to forgive and move on. But what really is forgiveness, and how does one do it? How do you know when it is time to forgive?For many, the narrative around forgiveness has typically sounded like, “when someone says they’re sorry, you forgive them,” but we know that forgiveness isn’t that easy. Forgiveness is not granted in a single moment, but rather through a gradual process of building empathy and compassion while reducing resentment. While your partner rebuilds their trust with you, [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:38:28+00:00September 15th, 2021|Infidelity Therapy|
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Why Does the World Need Marriage Counselling and More Marriage Counselors?

Written by Jonathan Zalesne Now, more than ever, does the world need modern marriage counseling and even more marriage counselors. The COVID-19 pandemic has created an ‘invisible’ mental health epidemic. As a result, we see even higher anxiety, depression, suicide, and divorce rates higher than in previous years.The lockdown of last year, combined with the ‘pressure cooker’ conditions that persist today, has created the perfect environment for negative cycles, patterns, and worsening of domestic issues. The good news: people are seeking marriage counseling more often now, more so than in previous years.Marriage counselors have observed that from 10% of total therapy [...]

By |2024-10-10T16:41:10+00:00September 6th, 2021|Couples Counseling|
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