Is it too soon? Is it too late? Couples Counseling Across the Lifespan

Written by Kate Pauley           When considering counseling, couples can often find themselves asking one of two questions: Is this a big enough deal to go to counseling, or, is it too late to fix this? It can be easy to find reasons not to seek support for your relationship, and some of the most common reasons are the stage of life and length of time in the relationship. We often have a notion that only a relationship of a certain stage or age is “right” for couples counseling. But the truth is, any time can be [...]

By |2022-05-02T14:52:00+00:00May 2nd, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Why Doesn’t My Partner Want To Have Sex With Me?

Written by Kate Pauley         At the Colorado Center for Couples and Families, we work primarily with couples in relationship distress.  One of the questions on our intake paperwork is “how satisfied are you with the sexual intimacy in your relationship?”  Very often, the response to this question is, “not satisfied.”   Typically, when there is conflict and discomfort in a couple’s relationship, we also see dissatisfaction in the couple’s sexual relationship.  There may be many reasons for the dissatisfaction, but the three most common reasons that I see are because of a lack of intimacy in the emotional [...]

By |2022-04-23T14:13:02+00:00April 21st, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Speaking Your Love Languages

Written by: Courtney Redman   If you’ve ever searched for tips about relationships, chances are you’ve come across the five love languages. With no shortage of books, podcasts, quizzes, etc. about discovering your love language, it can seem quite straight forward. A key to making that information useful to your relationship is how you and your partner communicate about your love languages, and how they work in tandem. First, lets identify the love languages: Words of affirmation Acts of service Receiving gifts Quality time Physical touch Chances are at leas one or two of these jump out at you right away. That [...]

By |2022-04-17T13:04:54+00:00March 30th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

How To Be More Emotionally Intimate With Your Partner

Written by Kate Pauley         Often when people think of intimacy, their minds immediately jump to sex, but there are actually a lot of other ‘types’ of intimacy that can increase closeness in a relationship that do not involve sex.  Sometimes, increasing these other areas of intimacy does increase the amount of sexual intimacy a couple shares.   There is a strong connection between emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy.  Often, individuals in relationships need to feel a sense of emotional intimacy before they desire to be sexually intimate with their partners.  (This is more true for women than [...]

By |2022-04-23T14:15:19+00:00March 29th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Strangers In The House: Reconnecting After Emotional Disconnection

Written by: Courtney Redman   The lifecycle of a relationship can see many changes, whether just a product of time, new life phases, or pivotal moments. What we often forget is that as people, we can change a little with each new event and if we are not communicating with our partner, we can get to a point where the person in our home starts to feel a little less like the person we knew and a little more like a stranger. So, what do you do when you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner? When we realize we feel emotionally disconnected, [...]

By |2022-04-21T15:12:51+00:00March 28th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

More than Sorry: Apologizing, Asking for Forgiveness, and Repairing

Written by: Courtney Redman   Have you ever needed to apologize? Of course you have. None of us are perfect and we mess up all the time, especially with the people closest to us. But has anyone ever talked to you about the differences between apologizing, asking for forgiveness, and repairing a hurt? If you’re like me, these weren’t explained to me as different concepts until well into adulthood. So if you’re interested in exploring these as distinct moves towards developing lasting repair, then let’s talk about it! First let’s look at some common pitfalls with apologies and repairs, then we’ll explore [...]

By |2022-03-31T17:23:18+00:00February 3rd, 2022|Couples Counseling|

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Written by Jonathan Zalesne         When explaining what EFT is, I usually start by explaining what EFT is not. There is a lot of great research out there about how couples who are in secure and healthy relationships behave with each other.  They speak to each other without contempt.  They have healthy sex lives.  They turn towards each other instead of away.  They manage conflict well.  They create shared meaning.  They trust each other and they are committed to each other. Most traditional couple therapies are behavioral in nature and strive to help couples learn skills so that [...]

By |2022-03-31T17:23:42+00:00January 11th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

A Review of Supplemental Materials for Couples in Counseling

Written by Kate Pauley         Clients often ask me at the end of our first session, “is there anything else we can do at home to improve our relationship more quickly?”  The honest answer is yes and no.   There are absolutely things that couples can do at home to improve the way they treat one another and feel in the relationship, however, the work of unraveling old patterns, creating new ones, and truly healing the relationship takes time. Sometimes marriage counseling can feel like a slow process, and that is absolutely okay.  When you think about how [...]

By |2022-03-31T17:24:12+00:00January 9th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Relationship Resolutions based on Research

Written by Kate Pauley         I’m not typically the biggest fan of New Year’s Resolutions, but when they’re based on research, I can get more on board.   John Gottman is the world’s leading relationship researcher.  He classifies couples into two categories, relationship “masters” or relationship “disasters.”   To become a relationship master this year, here are 5 resolutions to set with your partner: When your partner makes small gestures for your attention (“bids for attention”) respond with interest.  For example, when your partner says “hunny, look at the deer outside the window” rather than saying “yep” without looking [...]

By |2022-03-31T17:28:26+00:00January 9th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Would You Rather Be Right Or Kind?

Written by Kate Pauley         Would you rather be right or be kind? This question has been coming up in a lot of my sessions recently.  I first started thinking about this concept after reading the book: When Things Fall Apart by Pema  Chodron.  This book has really changed my life in that it changed how I interact with the world.  It is a book that calls for more mindfulness causing you to slow down and notice your patterns rather than step into your immediate reactions. This is exactly what we seek to do in marriage/couples counseling.  Rather [...]

By |2022-03-31T17:28:35+00:00December 30th, 2021|Couples Counseling|
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