What Keeps the Passion Alive in Long Term Relationships?

Written by Kate Pauley     How to keep the passion alive in long-term relationships may be one of the most sought-after answers for couples today.  Because human beings alone are incredibly unique and complex, being in partnership with one another just makes things that much more complicated.  Because of this there is no single, straightforward, holy grail answer as to what keeps the passion alive in long-term relationships, however, there has been some research done on what contributes to sexually satisfied couples’ satisfaction or dissatisfaction.   David Frederick, Ph.D., of Chapman University was the lead researcher on one of the largest [...]

By |2023-02-02T11:39:32+00:00January 6th, 2023|Couples Counseling|

When Old Patterns Return

A lot of people ask the same simple question when starting therapy: does it work? The answer to that question can be less simple. In short, you get out of it what you put into it. If you’re occasionally invested, you may occasionally see results. If you’re consistent and engaged, you will consistently see the impact of your efforts. The second stage of that question is, what happens if the problem comes back? People can spend significant time and energy exploring a problem and doing the work to repair and create new patterns in their lives, but that doesn’t mean they [...]

By |2023-02-02T11:39:44+00:00December 27th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Roles and Negotiations in Relationships

It’s no secret that in a relationship there are roles that each person holds. One of the best assets of a highly functional relationship is when roles are fluid, with clear expectations and communication. Over the course of a relationship, there can be several factors that impact the roles that partners hold, and when or how those roles may need to change. Relationships often get stuck when a partner feels unappreciated, burnt out, or left out with no way to get their partner to understand. When a relationship has room to re-negotiate roles, it allows for the unexpected in life to [...]

By |2022-12-21T03:18:17+00:00December 21st, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Empathy: The Antidote to Resentment

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of empathy? Some people associate it with pity, feeling bad for someone else. Others think of it as being in someone else’s shoes. Both can be close but there’s another element to add. Empathy is feeling with someone. It’s looking at their experience and taking the perspective of what it must be like for them, while still having your own separate experience. In relationships, empathy is a powerhouse of creating space for repair. The lack of empathy is a place where resentment can thrive. So let’s take a look at [...]

By |2022-12-10T16:29:22+00:00December 10th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

What Does Having Trust In Relationship Look Like

Written by Jamie Tolle         Having trust within a relationship is a foundational piece to a healthy, deep bond. It sprouts connection, confidence, and security and helps foster honesty and vulnerability. Needless to say, trust is a big word that holds so much weight and value. Brene Brown, a researcher, recognized the lack of language to talk about it and decided to do some digging. She found a definition from Charles Feltment that sums up what trust means perfectly:   Trust is choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person's actions. Needless to say, trusting [...]

By |2022-10-04T14:35:44+00:00September 29th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Learning to Trust Your Intuition

Written by Kate Pauley         Part III of my travel blog series.   One of the most special things about traveling alone is having the opportunity to do what you want, when you want, all day long.  As a woman, I often find myself in the "people pleasing" role.  When someone asks me, "what do you want to do tonight" I typically respond with, "no preferences, totally up to you."  And I would do this in all aspects of my life.  "What do you want to eat?" "I'm up for anything." "Where do you want to go on vacation?" [...]

By |2022-10-04T17:23:21+00:00September 27th, 2022|Individual Therapy|

Befriending Boredom

Written by Kate Pauley         Part II of my travel blog series.   Several years ago, I came across this concept of "allowing yourself to get bored."  I don't remember where I read it, but the idea was, if you can allow yourself some time to be bored, what you really want will become clear.  I thought this sounded great, and sometimes shared the idea with my clients, but I hadn't actually put this into practice.  Until now.   When I structured my solo travel, I didn’t plan to move around too much, I really wanted to get [...]

By |2022-10-01T17:42:40+00:00September 15th, 2022|Individual Therapy|

A New Way to Set Intentions

Written by Kate Pauley         This is part of a 3-part series on experiencing growth through traveling from the perspective of a therapist.   Part I   For a long time I have wanted to solo travel, and with COVID, grad school, life, there just never seemed to be a "good time."  So eventually, I just committed.  I decided that as a therapist, I need to expand my view of the world, meet new people, learn new perspectives, and grow myself as an individual.  This series covers some of my reflections on traveling from the perspective of a therapist. [...]

By |2022-10-01T18:17:30+00:00September 1st, 2022|Individual Therapy|

Here’s Why Expressing Emotions Strengthens Relationships

When we're in a committed relationship, our brains release chemicals that cause us to feel a wide range of emotions. Sometimes we feel positive feelings about our partners and ourselves, and other times we feel impartial or even destructive emotions. Part of having a fantastic relationship is being able to confide in your partner about your emotions. But the path to emotional openness is often littered with obstacles. Emotions and Openness in a Relationship When you tell someone close to you something personal, like how you feel anxious about an upcoming work project, and they show compassion, it helps you feel [...]

By |2022-08-18T04:25:46+00:00August 18th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Supporting a Loved One’s Mental Health

Written by Kate Pauley         Close connection with others can be a source of immense support and joy. Having people you can go to both as a place to share in the good things and a place to get help is what makes community an invaluable resource. Some people are particularly skilled to be support people; you know the ones. That first person you think of when you need a sympathetic ear, or someone to make a plan, or just someone to convince you to do the bizarre, exciting thing you can’t do on your own. If you are one [...]

By |2022-08-04T18:47:04+00:00August 4th, 2022|Mental Health Counseling|


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