1
Individually · with the unfaithful partner
Build the full disclosure.
We work individually with the partner who had the affair. Together, we build a complete, written disclosure. Everything that happened — not a summary, not the highlights, the full truth. We also help them anticipate the questions their partner is likely to ask, and address those in the disclosure itself.
Most people who have had an affair have never told the whole truth in one place, to anyone, start to finish. The process of doing that is often its own kind of reckoning.
2
Individually · with the injured partner
Surface the real questions.
Separately, we work with the injured partner. They build a list of every question they need answered — the ones that keep them up at night, the ones they are afraid to ask, the ones they think might be irrational. Nothing is off limits.
But we also help them understand why they need to know what they need to know. Sometimes the reason is obvious. But often, a question about specific details — what exactly happened, where, how — is really asking something deeper: “Why would you do that with them and not with me?” or “I thought what we had was special — is it?” We help surface those deeper questions, because they are often more honest and more impactful than the surface-level details. The detailed question may still get asked, or it may not — but we identify and give voice to the real need underneath.
3
Integration
Layer the questions onto the disclosure.
The disclosure comes first, so the questions don’t limit its scope. But the questions are woven in so that nothing the injured partner needs to know falls through the cracks.
4
Verification
Polygraph verification.
In some cases, a polygraph examiner verifies the disclosure. This step surprises people, but it serves two important functions.
First, knowing that the process ends with a polygraph motivates people to be thorough and truthful from the start — it changes how they approach the disclosure itself. Second, once verified, both partners have confirmation that the full truth has been told. That becomes something they can both point to when doubt or anxiety resurfaces later.
5
Together · in an extended session
Read the full disclosure.
The unfaithful partner reads the full disclosure in an extended couples session. Not a summary. The whole thing. The therapist is there to help both of them through it.
6
Together · in a follow-up session
The impact statement.
After that, the injured partner writes an impact statement. This is their chance to say, fully and without interruption, how the affair has affected them. They review it individually with their therapist, then read it to their partner in session.
