Differential Processing in Relationships

Written by Kate Pauley         A common experience in intimate partnerships is when each person has a distinctly different way of processing and organizing information. This can lead to misunderstandings, unintentional hurt, and patterns of conflict that build over years. It’s hard to know how to talk about differences in processing because often we don’t know that is what’s going on, but we can see the impact. These are just some of the ways that differential processing can show up in intimate partnerships.   Perceptions: Couples consistently talk about how they both remember a situation differently. One person is [...]

By |2022-08-04T18:55:59+00:00July 30th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Are you doing foreplay wrong?

Written by Kate Pauley         Are you doing foreplay wrong?   I've been doing a lot of research into desire recently.  This question of "how to keep the desire alive" looms over long term relationships.  There are books, podcasts, research articles, blog posts about this question, and still we as humans seem to be grappling with this.  In my research the other day, I came across a statement that really struck me.  The statement was this:     "Foreplay begins the moment that sex ends."     I will let that sink in a moment.  Foreplay begins the [...]

By |2022-10-04T17:24:05+00:00July 2nd, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Sexual Desire Discrepancy

Written by Kate Pauley         When One Partner Wants More Sex What a challenging question to answer.  The bad news is, I won’t be able to definitively answer that for you in this post, but I can give you some ideas as to where to start in trying to answer this question.  So read on if you, throughout your relationship, have either found yourself or your partner wanting differing amounts of sex.   We've all heard the stereotype that men like to have more sex than women.  And in reality, there is some truth to that statement.  The [...]

By |2022-10-04T17:23:50+00:00June 1st, 2022|Couples Counseling|

The Importance of Relationship Check

Written by Kate Pauley         Our performance in the professional setting is constantly evaluated.  We receive reviews from bosses and peers, and get feedback based upon how we are doing.  These evaluations provide others an opportunity to reflect on how we are performing, as well as create space for our own selves to reflect and consider how we are doing.  These evaluations are useful because they provide us with both opportunities for growth, as well as build our self-esteem and confidence by identifying areas in which we are excelling.   This same concept of the "performance evaluation" can be [...]

By |2022-10-04T17:24:24+00:00May 18th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Is it too soon? Is it too late? Couples Counseling Across the Lifespan

Written by Kate Pauley           When considering counseling, couples can often find themselves asking one of two questions: Is this a big enough deal to go to counseling, or, is it too late to fix this? It can be easy to find reasons not to seek support for your relationship, and some of the most common reasons are the stage of life and length of time in the relationship. We often have a notion that only a relationship of a certain stage or age is “right” for couples counseling. But the truth is, any time can be [...]

By |2022-05-02T14:52:00+00:00May 2nd, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Why Doesn’t My Partner Want To Have Sex With Me?

Written by Kate Pauley         At the Colorado Center for Couples and Families, we work primarily with couples in relationship distress.  One of the questions on our intake paperwork is “how satisfied are you with the sexual intimacy in your relationship?”  Very often, the response to this question is, “not satisfied.”   Typically, when there is conflict and discomfort in a couple’s relationship, we also see dissatisfaction in the couple’s sexual relationship.  There may be many reasons for the dissatisfaction, but the three most common reasons that I see are because of a lack of intimacy in the emotional [...]

By |2022-04-23T14:13:02+00:00April 21st, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Speaking Your Love Languages

Written by: Courtney Redman   If you’ve ever searched for tips about relationships, chances are you’ve come across the five love languages. With no shortage of books, podcasts, quizzes, etc. about discovering your love language, it can seem quite straight forward. A key to making that information useful to your relationship is how you and your partner communicate about your love languages, and how they work in tandem. First, lets identify the love languages: Words of affirmation Acts of service Receiving gifts Quality time Physical touch Chances are at leas one or two of these jump out at you right away. That [...]

By |2022-04-17T13:04:54+00:00March 30th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

How To Be More Emotionally Intimate With Your Partner

Written by Kate Pauley         Often when people think of intimacy, their minds immediately jump to sex, but there are actually a lot of other ‘types’ of intimacy that can increase closeness in a relationship that do not involve sex.  Sometimes, increasing these other areas of intimacy does increase the amount of sexual intimacy a couple shares.   There is a strong connection between emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy.  Often, individuals in relationships need to feel a sense of emotional intimacy before they desire to be sexually intimate with their partners.  (This is more true for women than [...]

By |2022-04-23T14:15:19+00:00March 29th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Strangers In The House: Reconnecting After Emotional Disconnection

Written by: Courtney Redman   The lifecycle of a relationship can see many changes, whether just a product of time, new life phases, or pivotal moments. What we often forget is that as people, we can change a little with each new event and if we are not communicating with our partner, we can get to a point where the person in our home starts to feel a little less like the person we knew and a little more like a stranger. So, what do you do when you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner? When we realize we feel emotionally disconnected, [...]

By |2022-04-21T15:12:51+00:00March 28th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

More than Sorry: Apologizing, Asking for Forgiveness, and Repairing

Written by: Courtney Redman   Have you ever needed to apologize? Of course you have. None of us are perfect and we mess up all the time, especially with the people closest to us. But has anyone ever talked to you about the differences between apologizing, asking for forgiveness, and repairing a hurt? If you’re like me, these weren’t explained to me as different concepts until well into adulthood. So if you’re interested in exploring these as distinct moves towards developing lasting repair, then let’s talk about it! First let’s look at some common pitfalls with apologies and repairs, then we’ll explore [...]

By |2022-03-31T17:23:18+00:00February 3rd, 2022|Couples Counseling|


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