Kate Pauley

About Kate Pauley

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So far Kate Pauley has created 10 blog entries.

Here’s Why Expressing Emotions Strengthens Relationships

By |2022-08-18T04:25:46+00:00August 18th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

When we're in a committed relationship, our brains release chemicals that cause us to feel a wide range of emotions. Sometimes we feel positive feelings about our partners and ourselves, and other times we feel impartial or even destructive emotions. Part of having a fantastic relationship is being able to confide in your partner about your emotions. But the path to emotional openness is often littered with obstacles. Emotions and Openness in a Relationship When you tell someone close to you something personal, like how you feel anxious about an upcoming work project, and they show compassion, it helps you feel [...]

Supporting a Loved One’s Mental Health

By |2022-08-04T18:47:04+00:00August 4th, 2022|Mental Health Counseling|

Written by Kate Pauley         Close connection with others can be a source of immense support and joy. Having people you can go to both as a place to share in the good things and a place to get help is what makes community an invaluable resource. Some people are particularly skilled to be support people; you know the ones. That first person you think of when you need a sympathetic ear, or someone to make a plan, or just someone to convince you to do the bizarre, exciting thing you can’t do on your own. If you are one [...]

Differential Processing in Relationships

By |2022-08-04T18:55:59+00:00July 30th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Written by Kate Pauley         A common experience in intimate partnerships is when each person has a distinctly different way of processing and organizing information. This can lead to misunderstandings, unintentional hurt, and patterns of conflict that build over years. It’s hard to know how to talk about differences in processing because often we don’t know that is what’s going on, but we can see the impact. These are just some of the ways that differential processing can show up in intimate partnerships.   Perceptions: Couples consistently talk about how they both remember a situation differently. One person is [...]

Is it too soon? Is it too late? Couples Counseling Across the Lifespan

By |2022-05-02T14:52:00+00:00May 2nd, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Written by Kate Pauley           When considering counseling, couples can often find themselves asking one of two questions: Is this a big enough deal to go to counseling, or, is it too late to fix this? It can be easy to find reasons not to seek support for your relationship, and some of the most common reasons are the stage of life and length of time in the relationship. We often have a notion that only a relationship of a certain stage or age is “right” for couples counseling. But the truth is, any time can be [...]

Why Doesn’t My Partner Want To Have Sex With Me?

By |2022-04-23T14:13:02+00:00April 21st, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Written by Kate Pauley         At the Colorado Center for Couples and Families, we work primarily with couples in relationship distress.  One of the questions on our intake paperwork is “how satisfied are you with the sexual intimacy in your relationship?”  Very often, the response to this question is, “not satisfied.”   Typically, when there is conflict and discomfort in a couple’s relationship, we also see dissatisfaction in the couple’s sexual relationship.  There may be many reasons for the dissatisfaction, but the three most common reasons that I see are because of a lack of intimacy in the emotional [...]

How To Be More Emotionally Intimate With Your Partner

By |2022-04-23T14:15:19+00:00March 29th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Written by Kate Pauley         Often when people think of intimacy, their minds immediately jump to sex, but there are actually a lot of other ‘types’ of intimacy that can increase closeness in a relationship that do not involve sex.  Sometimes, increasing these other areas of intimacy does increase the amount of sexual intimacy a couple shares.   There is a strong connection between emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy.  Often, individuals in relationships need to feel a sense of emotional intimacy before they desire to be sexually intimate with their partners.  (This is more true for women than [...]

A Review of Supplemental Materials for Couples in Counseling

By |2022-03-31T17:24:12+00:00January 9th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Written by Kate Pauley         Clients often ask me at the end of our first session, “is there anything else we can do at home to improve our relationship more quickly?”  The honest answer is yes and no.   There are absolutely things that couples can do at home to improve the way they treat one another and feel in the relationship, however, the work of unraveling old patterns, creating new ones, and truly healing the relationship takes time. Sometimes marriage counseling can feel like a slow process, and that is absolutely okay.  When you think about how [...]

Relationship Resolutions based on Research

By |2022-03-31T17:28:26+00:00January 9th, 2022|Couples Counseling|

Written by Kate Pauley         I’m not typically the biggest fan of New Year’s Resolutions, but when they’re based on research, I can get more on board.   John Gottman is the world’s leading relationship researcher.  He classifies couples into two categories, relationship “masters” or relationship “disasters.”   To become a relationship master this year, here are 5 resolutions to set with your partner: When your partner makes small gestures for your attention (“bids for attention”) respond with interest.  For example, when your partner says “hunny, look at the deer outside the window” rather than saying “yep” without looking [...]

Would You Rather Be Right Or Kind?

By |2022-03-31T17:28:35+00:00December 30th, 2021|Couples Counseling|

Written by Kate Pauley         Would you rather be right or be kind? This question has been coming up in a lot of my sessions recently.  I first started thinking about this concept after reading the book: When Things Fall Apart by Pema  Chodron.  This book has really changed my life in that it changed how I interact with the world.  It is a book that calls for more mindfulness causing you to slow down and notice your patterns rather than step into your immediate reactions. This is exactly what we seek to do in marriage/couples counseling.  Rather [...]

How Do I Forgive After An Affair?

By |2022-03-31T17:29:13+00:00September 15th, 2021|Infidelity Therapy|

Written by Kate Pauley         If you’ve ever been betrayed by your partner, you may wonder if you’ll ever be able to forgive and move on. But what really is forgiveness, and how does one do it? How do you know when it is time to forgive? For many, the narrative around forgiveness has typically sounded like, “when someone says they’re sorry, you forgive them,” but we know that forgiveness isn’t that easy. Forgiveness is not granted in a single moment, but rather through a gradual process of building empathy and compassion while reducing resentment. While your partner [...]


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