Written By: Jonathan Zalesne
Anger is scary; it’s intimidating. When someone gets dysregulated and begins to yell, scream, throw things, use physical violence, it also typically means that logic begins to go out the window.
What happens in the brain when someone gets dysregulated?
Typically, the amygdala, the part of the brain that is responsible for processing emotions gets activated and sends signals to other parts of the brain to prepare the body for fight or flight. The hypothalamus begins to release stress hormones such as adrenalin and cortisol, and heart rate typically quickens while breaths become more shallow. The pre-frontal cortex becomes inhibited, which means that it becomes more challenging to regulate emotions and control impulsive behavior. Lastly, the hippocampus floods making it difficult for people to remember details of situations correctly.
What happens when this happens to your partner?
Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship requires effort and understanding from both partners. One of the biggest challenges that couples face is handling conflicts and disagreements. In some cases, disagreements may escalate into full-blown arguments or fights, especially when one partner gets angry. It is crucial to learn how to de-escalate situations when your partner gets angry to avoid causing further harm to the relationship. Here are some effective strategies that can help you de-escalate situations when your partner gets angry.
Stay Calm
One of the best ways to de-escalate a situation when your partner gets angry is to remain calm. Your partner’s anger may trigger your own emotions, but it’s essential to stay level-headed to prevent the situation from spiraling out of control. Take deep breaths, remain centered, and try to focus on the issue at hand rather than getting defensive or angry yourself.
Acknowledge Your Partner’s Feelings
When your partner gets angry, it’s important to validate their feelings. Even if you don’t agree with their perspective, you can acknowledge that their feelings are valid and that you understand where they’re coming from. This can help your partner feel heard and respected, which may help to reduce their anger.
Listen Actively
When your partner is angry, it’s essential to listen actively. This means giving your partner your full attention, asking clarifying questions, and summarizing their perspective to ensure that you understand their concerns fully. Avoid interrupting or dismissing your partner, as this can escalate the situation further.
Take Responsibility for Your Actions
If you have done something that has upset your partner, take responsibility for your actions. Apologize sincerely, and make a commitment to work together to find a solution. Acknowledging your mistakes can help to de-escalate the situation and rebuild trust in the relationship.
Use “I” Statements
When discussing the issue with your partner, try to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always so angry,” say, “I feel upset when you get angry.” This can help to avoid placing blame on your partner and instead focus on your feelings and experience.
Take a Break
If the situation is getting heated, it’s okay to take a break. This can give both partners time to calm down and reflect on the issue. Agree on a time to resume the conversation, and make sure to follow through.
In conclusion, learning how to de-escalate situations when your partner gets angry is crucial for maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. By staying calm, acknowledging your partner’s feelings, listening actively, taking responsibility for your actions, using “I” statements, and taking a break, you can work together to resolve conflicts and strengthen your relationship. Remember that effective communication and understanding are key to a successful partnership. If you think a couples therapist can assist you in improving your communication, contact us below.