Written by: Jonathan Zalesne The word “intimacy” can easily conjure images like a montage of scenes from a romantic comedy. A couple laughing and embracing, seeming so in love without a care in the world and everything they do has a soft glow of romance. But so rarely does real life mirror this idealized version of intimacy. Sure, occasionally big romantic experience happen and they can feel very intimate and connective, but what about all the time in between? How do relationships foster intimacy between the blockbuster moments? Let’s look at the components of what intimacy is. In one form, intimacy [...]

Written by: Jonathan ZalesneVulnerability is allowing others to see you for ALL of who you are-- including your shame. We’re talking about the parts of yourself that you don’t even want to acknowledge exist. It hurts too much. There is a real fear that if you share your shame story with someone, they will no longer accept you for all of what makes you who you are. That fear is often big enough to hold us back from sharing.This fear of not being accepted by others makes complete sense, especially when you take attachment theory into consideration. Attachment theory explains that [...]

Written by: Jonathan Zalesne One of the most common things that we talk about in couples counseling is communication. What it looks like now, what the couple wants it to look like, and what good communication even means to them. And when we explore what communication means, it has a lot of components. How someone interacts physically, whether they are looking at the person and paying attention while they’re talking, if someone gets cut off…the list goes on. But something that gets brought up a lot is the feeling of being validated—most notably a partner can identify that they are feeling [...]

Written by: Jonathan Zalesne One the most common questions I get from prospective clients is what does the process look like? In typical therapist fashion, it depends. As such, I often answer this question with follow up questions: What are your goals for therapy? How would you know that things between you and your partner have improved? Do you and your partner agree on what the problem is? If not, how do each of you conceptualize the problem? How much work are you each willing to put into the relationship? Once these questions are answered, I can better explain what the [...]