Written by: Melissa Pilarski.
Couples start therapy for a variety of reasons. “Improving communication” is most often a target couples want to work towards in therapy. I often hear partners describe feeling unsupported, unheard, or like their partner doesn’t “get them” anymore. So much emotional pain can stem from miscommunication. If left unaddressed, it can grow worse and bleed into other areas of your life.
It can feel like walking into a brick wall after several failed attempts to communicate emotional pain with a partner. I’ve heard partners describe the sinking feeling time and time again, when they walk into the room where their partner is, only to be unacknowledged and ignored because their partner is completely tuned into the screen in front of them. It can feel like the screen is more important to them than the person they married. Under the initial frustration, the pain described is usually one of longing… longing for their partner to proclaim how important they are to them. This is the person they said their vows to, who is supposed to know them better than anyone– yet they feel out of reach. And it hurts. Attempts to communicate this hurt to their partner can sound like criticism. Before they know it, the situation blows up, and they’ve walked into the brick wall again.
In therapy, I try to be a process consultant for you and your partner. We look at what has worked in the past, and what hasn’t. My hope is that you feel safe to explore the relationship with me, and take the risk to express some of the emotional pain you both may be experiencing. Once you both have had the chance to feel understood by each other, it becomes easier to relate in these new ways, and ask your partner for what you need. However, the transition isn’t always quick and easy. It is like you and your partner have been hiking a well worn dirt path, one that ends in arguments and pain. In therapy, we are walking a new path. It requires repetition for the new path to wear down the grass before there is a cleared path– one with feelings of connection, compassion, and understanding.
Through this EFT approach to couples therapy, couples often report feeling they can talk through their problems together more effectively. Partners describe feeling supported to be their best selves, both individually and as a lover.
If you feel ready to take this journey of healing and growth together, follow one of the links below to schedule a session today.
For more information on our services, click here: Couples Therapy
For more information on our services, click here: Individual Therapy